I'm not sure what to call this post, so I am going to just start writing.
I have had this blog for a while now. Since 2008 I believe. I started it back when I was trying to make what I thought was a major life change which at the time equated to doing the Master Cleanse. I lasted two days. Since then, this blog has been a place to vent, to mark virtual places with personal meaning that I wanted to remember, and at times to mark milestones in my life. Some of those being my engagement, the end of my engagement, Bikram Yoga Teacher Training, and my wedding. (I think I skipped over my divorce here. I am sure I will write about that one day.)
Now I am writing about what I believe to be the biggest milestone in my life so far, because I know that my life is now forever changed. I reached a point and a realization from whence there is no turning back.
On my solo road trip a few weeks back (see last post) I wound up going to the California coast. Due to a series of unplanned events, I wound up at the South Jordan Library just before I left town in search of a good book on tape to have as my travel companion. I happened to see one called "Faith Precedes the Miracle." As I have been focusing on manifesting small miracles in my life (a new place to live, money, and achieving several other dreams) I quickly grabbed the book. Then I saw that it was written by Spencer W. Kimball who if you are not familiar was a Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. A church which I was no longer attending. A church which I left when I was around the age of 15. A church I was raised in and have been contemplating returning to for nearly twenty years. A church that I had finally decided I needed to investigate again as an adult to decide once and for all whether or not I believed.
I picked up the Spencer W. Kimball book, along with several others, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (Mark Twain), The Weed that Strings the Hangman's Bag (Alan Bradley), Eat, Pray, Love (What's her name), and No Doubt About It (Sherrie Dew) and the Champagne Lady and I hit the road.
It took me exactly two days to make it to the coast. Starting off early day three on Hwy 1 my car and I headed along the coast of the Pacific Ocean. Once out of San Francisco I was completely alone - even the road was empty - so I inserted disc one of Faith Precedes the Miracle into my CD player and it was there, on Hwy 1, cruising along the edge of the ocean where life as I knew it transformed. The spirit bore witness to me countless times that God exists. that I was listening to the words of living prophet of God, that every word was true, that all the feelings and thoughts I had been fighting for the last twenty years were real, and I could deny them no longer.
I will not go into further detail here, suffice to say that the book covered just about every topic, every question that I have had in my heart for the longest time, and made it all crystal clear. I highly recommend picking it up. Be warned, President Kimball was not one to sugar-coat things, which was highly refreshing for me, but be prepared for some straight talkin!
What I do want to go into here on my blog are the things I am doing to make the transition back to "the church" after having been away for so long, I searched for a while for some kind of advice, or for a story that was similar to mine to help guide me there. While the best advice of course is to pray and read the Book of Mormon, I want to share my story in hopes that it will inspire anyone out there who might have similar feelings and questions and curiosities but wants to see how one might go about making the transition as this was something I would have highly valued all these years.
I've chosen to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop drinking coffee - currently a work in progress - start wearing more modest clothes - a particularly intimidating one for me - stop having a sex life outside of marriage - so far no problem. All of these will be lifelong commitments, but the first steps can often be the most difficult.
I am up to my neck in it right now and hope that sharing my story will help others.