Saturday, September 15, 2012

I'm Okay To Go

Heading out in less than 24 hours, and feeling like I am ready as I'll ever be. The last seven weeks have been peacefully re-affirming for me, mixed with serious bouts of stress, confusion, anxiety, sorrow, and remorse. But no regrets. Coming back to Castle Valley has been magical. This place is even more precious and wonderful than ever. I never want to leave, but I feel I have taken it in and absorbed it to the fullest every day I have been here. Each time I watch the sun rise from the table next to the window over looking Porcupine Ridge, I take in even more. 

My focus must turn back to Bikram, to my soul, to my self. I want this experience to launch me in to a place where I am manifesting what I really want out of life. Learning, travel, love, communication. I need to remember that a lot of the reason I chose to be a teacher, the reason I love practicing Bikram is that it is self-induced self-love. To quote my sister in law Kathy "I don't know when the last time was that I paid that much attention to myself for an hour and a half." 

My neighbor Adele read my astrological chart a few months back, and noticed that I had "Natal Mars Squares Jupiter" in my reading. She told me to go home and research this aspect to find out what it means and that it was prominent and unusual. Here is what I found:

MARSMars Glyph SQUARESquare Glyph JUPITERJupiter Glyph - Mars and Jupiter in a square aspect generate abundant physical and mental energy. Of itself, this energy is undisciplined and uncontrolled, but you will learn through experience how to channel it into productive activities. You have a desire to achieve great things, and you have the capacity and determination to do so, but you would do well to examine your own motives to ensure that they are based on some philosophical ideal or guiding principle. It is only in this way that you can use this aspect to its full potential and achieve eventual success. If your purpose is simply for the glorification of your own ego, an equally possible manifestation of this aspect, then you are bound to run into serious problems.
You have a tendency to overdo things, in your desire to get ahead you are prepared to work long and gruelling hours at the expense of the needs of your physical body, and also of your domestic life. You need to learn when to rest if you wish to avoid nervous exhaustion, and to say hello to your family occasionally, if only to let them know that you are still aware of their existence.

I feel that Bikram yoga has helped me to balance this aspect of my life. Bikram requires that you drink more water, to eat healthier, to make exercise more than just a priority - it's a way of life. My list of reasons for doing Bikram could go on and on, and I will dedicate a post to this while at BYTT. The point is, I have a tendency to overdo things at the expense of my own physical body. Some people see Bikram yoga as an extreme thing, but to me, it is more extreme to go throughout life without having something to remind you to breathe, slow down, be in the moment, drink your water, and just be. 

I'm about to do that for nine weeks, and it is my hope that I will stay in that frame of mind, not get caught up in any drama, and stay true to myself. 

I'm okay to go...

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